Finding my joy again

A few weeks ago, a friend told me I had lost the joy in my voice.  A statement that triggered great personal reflection.

I was not feeling comfortable with the process that was supposed to lead to a creation of a research proposal.  I seemed to be going in circles. Circles that were not productive.  In fact, I was working feverishly, but I was at a point of paralysis and couldn’t even begin my writing. So when I heard “Kelly, you don’t have that joy in your voice anymore.”  I knew I had to take action.

After great critical reflection, I had a discussion with my advisor that maybe I needed a change.  As much as I could appreciate some of his theoretical constructs, I was not feeling comfortable with how our methodologies were not aligned.  I was experiencing a strong dissonance in what I wanted do as my research.  We mutually agreed that perhaps it was best that I seek another advisor.  As stated in the letter to the dean, “This decision was reached productively with mutual agreement and respect.” Phew.

As scary as this was, within two days I had secured the support of a faculty advisor that has taught me two of my Masters courses.  He has experience using the methodology I propose and has even met the authors of the theoretical construct I am basing my research on.  He is aware of my background knowledge, my work ethic and is appreciative of the research I am proposing to embark on.  A win-win situation.

I am no longer paralyzed.  I have started my writing and am very excited to get started officially on my research. But best of all, I’m excited to talk about it again.

I have once again found my joy.